Should you sacrifice your beard for a wedding or some other special occasion? Proceed with caution. Keep an open mind and focus on preserving and nurturing your relationship with the person requesting that you get rid of your beard. Be understanding, flexible, and willing to bend, if necessary, for the sake of family ties.

Is someone pressuring you to shave your beard for a wedding? Would it happen to be the bride-to-be? There have been many cases in which brides-to-be have asked members of the wedding party to divest themselves of their beards. Each situation is unique and should be carefully evaluated in the context of the interpersonal relationships. However, do not allow intimidation to send you immediately to the razor without exploring your options!

What’s the deal with the “no beards in my wedding” requirement?

Just about any man can be vulnerable to wedding beard-removal pressure. Targets may include any or all of the following:

• groom
• groomsmen
• best man
• father of the bride
• father of the groom
• other relatives of either the bride or the groom

Of course, a bride’s wedding day is her big day. She dreams of it all being perfect. That’s understandable. Keep in mind how important this is to her.

But why should a man’s beard be targeted for removal? Who else gets pressured to make such a major change to their physical appearance for a wedding?

Well, it’s not really a fair request to begin with. Don’t dismiss it out of hand. But don’t immediately give up, either. Exploring your options could be a learning and growth opportunity for all involved. Focus on building your relationship with the beard-removal requester. That is likely more important than the potential temporary loss of a beard.

Wedding photos with or without beards?

Frequently, the “problem” isn’t with the man being bearded at the wedding. Many times, the problem is that the requester does not want beards in the wedding photos.

The “no-beard” rule may be applied with seemingly random standards. How about the case of the groom being permitted his beard, but the rest of the men in the wedding party must be beard-free? Often, you cannot make it make sense.

Wedding photos are intended to capture the event and the people who take part. Consider the case of a man who is normally bearded, with the beard being a well-established part of his appearance and identity. If he shaves his beard specifically for the wedding, his beardless appearance in the wedding photos represent a temporary artificial representation of himself. He will not appear in the photos in the way that people have known him. He may not even be recognizable to those who know him.

Another thing is that perhaps it’s important to the man that he appear in the photos with his beard. When he and others look at the photos years later, they will see the unfamiliar beardless face instead of the regular bearded face they know and love.

For the man who gave up his beard for the wedding, it may seem strange to see himself in photos without his beard. He may not like that his beard was missing from his appearance at the event. That’s not a big deal. But it can feel funny. I have felt something similar when seeing myself in a photo of a special event before I was able to grow a beard. I look at the photo and think, “Gee. I wish I could have been bearded in this photo.” Again, it’s not anything major. It’s just kind of an unexpected feeling.

Respect the feelings of the one requesting “no beards”

Yes, it’s not really fair to ask a man to shave his beard for a wedding or some other special occasion. However, always keep in mind that for the person making this request, it’s their very special day. Don’t take a hardline approach. Handle with genuine care and respect.

Have a lighthearted conversation with the requester to make your feelings known. Gently see if you can win acceptance of your beard for the event. If the delicate negotiation succeeds, then great! Problem solved…you hope.

If gentle negotiation fails

If the requester cannot be gently persuaded to drop the beard-shaving requirement, stay calm and cool. At this point it all comes down to preserving the relationship or not. If you want to preserve the relationship, you’ll have to step up and agree to shave. Yes, it’s not fair. Yes, you do not want to lose your beard, even for a short time. But make the person happy and agree to get rid of your beard for the big day. It’s an investment in the future happiness of your relationship.

Here’s the upside to sacrificing your beard for the wedding

Despite the unfairness of being pressured to change your appearance in a big way that others are not, you’ve taken an important step to protect your relationship with the requester. Don’t resent having gotten rid of your beard. Again, view it as an investment.

You may be justified in feeling that sacrificing your beard for a wedding was unfair. You may feel that giving in will only embolden the requester to continue similar behavior in the future. That may be. But if there were ever a time to let it slide, this would be it.

The big bonus is that after it’s all over, you are free to grow again. Enjoy the pleasure of growing and experiencing the glorious and triumphant return of your beloved beard! You deserve it.